Things They Like #14: Driving Aimlessly

Unpopular girls are, unanimously, quite the fans of aimless driving.

This provides ample time during which to do things like make inappropriate jokes without worrying about strangers overhearing, telling improvised scary stories that don't really have a climax but still end up lasting a rambling twenty minutes, and not bothering to actually have anywhere to go. Understandably, a lot of aimless drives end up at the local Denny's.



Remember, though, that the majority of unpopular girls don't actually have their licenses. This becomes troubling in the acquisition of a driver for these purposeless excursions, but once one is found, advantageous in that it often allows for the avoidance of actually paying for gas.

Things They Like #20: Making Lists

Unpopular girls love to make lists because they have "identity problems." Thus, lists are a useful tool because unpopular girls can just memorize long sequences of things and people that they like or admire, instead of actually taking the time to analyze themselves and figure out what makes them unique. Which probably isn't much.

Also, unpopular girls would never give up an opportunity to "impress" others by reciting all of their top thirty-five favorite films, in alphabetical order, though this rarely seems to inspire the desired amount of awe.

Things They Like #19: Their Younger Selves

Unpopular girls yearn for the good ol' days, back before they became so unpopular. It was a time of pure potential, when their destiny wasn't yet revealed to include never getting asked to the big Homecoming Dance, or growing up to have more cats overall than lovers.

Unpopular girls embrace this childhood yearning by adopting many aspects of their younger days. They might start dressing like they did in their infancy -- to an unpopular girl, there is nothing cooler than the sundress/white tights/maryjanes combo, except perhaps saddle shoes. They also might start watching television shows (Hey Arnold!, The Secret Life of Alex Mack, Clarissa Explains it All; pretty much anything from Nickelodeon in the 1990s) that they liked in elementary school, or playing board games of which they were fond around then, too.

But often this regression to kid-like tendencies comes in the form of media collection. It has already been established that unpopular girls love VHS tapes, but those tapes get even better when on them are movies intended for children. Children's music (Raffi, Charlotte Diamond, that one CD They Might Be Giants put out), books (Wayside Stories from Wayside School, The Fantastic Mr. Fox), and books-on-tape (Mr. Tickle, Sky Full of Babies) are also frequent contributions to unpopular girls' accumulations of useless (yet nostalgia-inducing!) things that they've purchased at Goodwill.

Things They Like #18: Respect for People They've Never Met

There are people who watch TV for free on the internet, and there are unpopular girls.

Unpopular girls feel an innate responsibility to not only refrain from reporting the people who upload copyright-infringing content, but to join their ranks. Unpopular girls will spend hours conducting google searches, copying embed codes, and copy-editing episode descriptions for their favorite shows from the late nineties or early aughts that no one else decided to stream before.



"Hey," they'll post on websites like Sidereel, "all the megavideo links for 204 are invalid, can a mod please delete them?"

Unpopular girls would almost even forego a DVD-commentary track watching opportunity, just for the chance to see a page of episode links and pridefully think they they created that TV show page, and added those links to copyrighted content that they uploaded via torrents it took a long, hard two days to download.

And you wondered why they never fulfilled their high school community service requirement.

Things They Like #17: Wearing Their PJs All Day Long

Who needs clothing when you've got sweat-pants and an "ironic" t-shirt purchased at Goodwill?

Not unpopular girls.

In terms of fashion, unpopular girls are notorious -- perhaps even more so than wearing hideous, unmatching, why-ever-did-she-ever-even-think-about-buying-that outfits -- for their love of pyjamas. Pyjamas all day long.



Grant unpopular girls one wish, and if they have already met the creator of their favorite television program, then they are going to ask that life have no dresscode, and that "I Got Ants in my Pants!" pyjama bottoms can finally count as formal wear.

PJs are so great because they are comfortable, they sometimes have deep pockets for holding things like MP3 players or pocket dictionaries, and they are loose enough to make room for any sort of body-consciousness. Like seriously, everybody basically looks like a baggy rhinoceros while wearing sweatpants.

But under no circumstance should people who enjoy donning "Juicy Suits" be considered in the same pyjama-category. That fashion statement is of an entirely different kind. Unpopular girls don't wear pyjamas with such suggestive language printed on the derriere. Unpopular girls also don't get laid.

Things They Like #16: Pride for Other People

Unpopular girls love feeling "proud" of people they have never met:

"Oh, I'm so proud of Dan Harmom and Rob Schrab for making Monster House -- it was actually funny, and school appropriate!"



But do not be fooled by this apparent enthusiasm for a multi-million-dollar picture. It is merely the standard unpopular girl response to any project that made one of their favorite actors/directors/screenwriters/musicians/novelists/comedians money, but not household-name status.

In the sad case that unpopular girl indie cred is actually lost, feelings of "pride" are immediately revoked, providing ample opportunity to complain about their hero "selling out". The best thing to do in a situation like this is to console, and reassure the unpopular girl that nobody even really noticed Michael Cera in Juno anyway.

Things They Like #15: Goodwill

Oh, Goodwill. Where else could unpopular girls find their old man sweaters, their ugly floral skirts, and their Elton John 1996 Concert t-shirts?

Nowhere. Except maybe somewhere kind of expensive. But then unpopular girls would miss out on that thrifty, self-satisfied feeling that comes with saving someone else's garbage from being thrown out again. And not even just garments! Goodwill (and to a lesser extent, Value Village and the Salvation Army) also accommodates unpopular girls in their never-ending thirst for obsolete technologies, ugly knick-knacks, and children's VHS tapes. Type-writers galore, ask an unpopular girl to go to Goodwill with you, and with $40 or less, she will purchase her wardrobe for the next four years, as well as a 1991 Karaoke Hits Tape. Who said you can't buy happiness?